The major fix was to the metric, Loon.
-Lines 1, 2 and 5: Rhyme together, nine syllables/three metrical feet.
-Lines 3 and 4: Rhyme together, six syllables/two metrical feet.
You were using 15 instead of nine.
As to the rhyming, I believe Truro & Thoreau do rhyme. He btw also happened to be a frequent visitor to the Highlands, Cape Cod, so it was a natural.
Greg as moderator is reminding us that a limerick follows specific rules with both rhyme and metric. Otherwise, it's just a five line rhyme.
I tried to just reword your line, and couldn't, so I went with a new thought.
Judy
